Over the course of the years I've experienced terrible disappoints and hurts in life, as you have. An especially dark passage occurred in early 2020, the year everyone was hearing about Covid-19 for the first time. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of perplexity, wave after wave crashing over me as though I had just wiped out at Pipeline. I felt the waves would never stop. There was no net that could catch me. At my lowest point, no one could say anything that could bring thanksgiving out of my mouth.
That March I got extremely sick. It seemed my lungs were failing me. I was having great difficulty breathing and swallowing. I began to lose all sense of balance. Walking was a real challenge. It felt like my body was shutting down. And while Covid was ruled out as the cause, doctors had no idea how to treat whatever it was I had. After months of suffering, I finally went to an old doctor friend of mine down in Carolina who suggested that I check my B12. Sure enough, he hit the nail on the head. During the years I spent running marathons, my body had completely lost its ability to absorb this vitamin that's essential for producing healthy, functioning red blood cells. So I was started on B12 injections daily, then 3 times a week, then once a week. For the past few years I've received an injection bi-weekly and my health is completely back to normal.
Needless to say, 2020 was one of the toughest years of my life. Hands down. Had it not been for my family and a few close friends, I could have have pushed through it. I recall my daughter and my grandson flying in from Alabama to care for me. Then there was the time a group of men I am very close to drove 4 hours to sit with me and pray over me. During the times I was alone, I found my time in the word became for me a refuge, a way forward through the darkness. Prayer became essential, though I must tell you in all honesty that not even that helped sometimes. Prayer won't necessarily bring you the relief you are so desperate for. What it will do is remind you that no one comforts more than Christ. No one sees the depths of our suffering clearer than he does.
This morning I prayed that the Lord would bring just one person to read this blog post who needs to hear this. If you're that person, you're an answer to prayer. All of our struggles and resistance notwithstanding, I am so thankful that God takes us through whatever we're facing in life. If nothing else, we learn we can't trust in ourselves. We're forced to surrender. Even if he doesn't remove the test, he holds us close to himself.