Each of us who shares the loss of a spouse has a similar wound. Each of us is left to figure out what our healing and moving forward look like. On Nov. 2, I'll be 11 years out. If your loss is more recent, I assure you you'll be okay. Most of us hit that "okay" crossroads at a year. That's the "normal" time frame for picking up the major pieces and making something new for yourself, whatever that may look like. Some manage to do it sooner, others later. You can have a life, but it's not going to be the life you planned before. It's going to be something completely different.
Be sure to make both short-term and long-term goals for yourself. Then check in on yourself from time to time. You will be amazed at how much positive change you've made. But you have to keep at it. Be gentle with yourself. It seems like an impossible task. There's a massive hole in your existence. In some ways I'm still trying to find my equilibrium. Everything is different. Everything is quiet. You don't ever have to forget about your spouse, but I hope that you can at some point forget about the pain. Let him or her be a part of your thoughts and memories. Keep your family close no matter how much you feel alone. On Nov. 3 I'll be celebrating Becky's life by going to the North Carolina symphony. They will be performing a piece that Becky and I loved -- Horst's The Planets. My daughter will fly in from Alabama to join me. Nothing soothes the soul like music. It will be a wonderful time. We'll also go out for Ethiopian food. We will triumph because we are numbered among millions of people who in suffering nevertheless believed that God is God.
Brokenness and love will be joined at the hip. We will find healing in community and in the God who sustains community for broken people like me.