When Paul wrote the book of Philippians, he was well aware of a serious division within their ranks. The fellowship was fractured. Doctrine does not seem to have been the cause. Rather, the church was being torn apart by differences arising from rivalry, self-interest, mutual animosity, and pride. In 4:2-3, the problem bubbles to the surface. Two women were disagreeing, and people in the church were apparently taking sides and dividing. Paul must have wondered, "Can our partnership in the gospel survive?" And so he addresses both women by name, begging each one to be of the same mind in the Lord, that is, to reach agreement with each other if possible and, if not, at least to set aside any self-seeking attitudes that they may have had toward each other and replacing this with the self-giving attitude of Christ (2:5-11).
I think there are a few principles here that we can apply whenever we disagree with our fellow believers. Here at five:
1. Disagreements are inevitable, even among the godly. If you're going to have a relationship with others that's based on honesty, truth, and transparency, there will be disagreements. Opinions and viewpoints will differ. Spirit-filled people will not always see eye to eye. Paul and Barnabas are a good example (Acts 15:36-41). This is even true in Christian organizations. I serve in a place where congeniality and unity reign. My colleagues are men and women I have the utmost love and respect for. But we don't always agree with each other. Yet our mutual respect is not affected in the least. We simply agree to disagree about something and aren't afraid to have an open and honest discussion about it.
2. In every disagreement, there are two separate ingredients. There is an issue, and there are convictions. The issue involves principles, while the convictions involve preferences. There are some convictions that all believers have because they are foundational truths of Christianity. But in many other areas, we will see things differently. The point is that we can still work in harmony with people with whom we disagree on these matters.
3. In most if not all disagreements, each side will have valid points. It's often difficult for us to acknowledge and value the other point of view because we are so vested in our own opinion. Thus Paul urges the Philippians to be "forbearing" (4:5). He means that we need to be willing to stop talking and begin to listen to others, to meet them halfway if we can, and not always insist that it's our way or the highway. William Hendriksen brilliantly translates the Greek word here as "bigheartedness." The idea is one of sweet reasonableness and magnanimity. If we have such an attitude, we'll be less likely to make an obstinate stand for what we believe is right. When involved in a disagreement, we will work at seeing both viewpoints. We'll do our very best to see the other's point of view. In fact, often they can support their point of view as well as we can support ours.
4. When both sides of an issue have good support, we should seek a wise compromise. For Paul and Barnabas to have done that would not have meant heresy. No doctrine was involved in their decision as to whether or not they should take John Mark with them on their second missionary journey. Paul could have said, "Let's take Mark on probation. If it doesn't work out in the first month, we'll send him home." For his part, Barnabas could have said, "Let's give Mark a minor assignment to see how he does. If on our journey we hear that he's measuring up, we'll send for him to join us." Could they have agreed on such a contingency plan? The answer seems to be yes. Instead, they separated in a manner they were probably not very proud of. Remember: a wise compromise is not necessarily a sign of weakness. Remember too that sometimes a third party is necessary to bring this about. In writing to the divided Philippians, Paul was a realist. He knew how hard it would be for Euodia and Syntyche to reach a compromise on their own. Hence he enlists a third party -- either a man named Suzugos, or the entire Philippian church as a unit ("Suzugos" means "partner"). "Help these ladies," says Paul. "Work with them to restore harmony and amity. The relationship is as important as the issue."
5. Finally, if the conflict persists and the issue cannot be resolved, graciously agree to disagree. Don't slam the phone down. Don't give others the silent treatment. Don't stomp out of the room. Remember that God can still use both sides to advance the gospel. Paul's second missionary journey was no less successful than his first -- a reminder of the truth of Rom. 8:28.