Becky and I said goodbye to each other in person 12 years ago this morning. The Lord gave me 37 wonderful years with this amazing daughter of God. I wouldn't have traded it for the world. This beautiful Southern belle made me the happiest man in history.
Through these years, God made Becky and me more like his Son, writing a lovely story with our life together. I hold myself supremely blessed -- blessed beyond words -- that the Lord saw fit to allow us to grow together, learn together, and serve him together. The latter is the most eternal part of our union. Serving together revolutionized our relationship.
I could not imagine living my adult life without Becky. We learned a lot of things, mostly the hard way. I married a woman who had strong convictions about everything. (As if I don't have any.) Through give and take we figured out how to handle that. Eventually we became whole, with just the right blend of work and fun. She was good at her half and I tried to be good at mine. (She benefited from my youngest-of-4 "hang loose" Hawaiian chillaxed attitude, while I benefited from her eldest-of-6 get-right-at-it personality.) In every difficult place we leaned hard on the Lord our God. His word kept us grounded and connected like nothing else. Apologies? Aplenty. Ugly words? Not often but they were there. Exactly-wrong gifts to each other? Yes, but we meant well. Eventually we stopped trying to change each other. (Every marriage has to do this at some point.) We learned to accept each other -- the great parts, the mediocre parts, and the "that's-so-weird" quirks too. Who really cares if you have to pull the toilet paper from the bottom?
I'm amazed at how quickly those 37 years flew by. No one enters marriage with a guarantee of success. The best we can do is to look to Jesus, trusting him even if we don't see results for years. He is the only constant in marriage as well as in life. Nothing can happen -- no loss, no tragedy -- that cannot be survived through his love. Isn't that the loveliest truth you've ever heard? Marriage is sacred work. Little in life is more important. We can learn to love each other and grow in healthy ways but only if we cling to the Savior.
Married friends: Please be tender with yourself and your spouse. Give shocking grace to others, and they will give it back. Be humble under God, and your marriage can be that safe place God dreamed up. It really can.
