In this post I'd like to speak to you dads out there. I'd like to challenge you to set aside your resume virtues and evaluate your eulogy virtues. Allow me to offer 16 virtues found in Paul's letter to the Philippians, a letter that has been impacting me deeply over the past few weeks. Please don't rush through this list. Take time to examine each virtue. Ask yourself, "Does this describe me?"
1:3. Gratitude. Paul thanks God for the Philippians. There was an attitude of gratitude about him. As dads, we often forget to be grateful. We need to make gratitude part of our day just like brushing our teeth. Regularly saying "thank you" to our kids is one of the most simple and profound ways to show that we love them.
1:4. Joy. Paul offers his prayer with joy. Holiness was important to Christ, but so was happiness. The two are never mutually exclusive. Jesus liked parties and fun and swarms of kids. He didn't refrain from kicking up his heels from time to time. Little wonder the Pharisees despised him. Joy was serious business with the Lord. If we as dads are truly conformed to his image, we'll stop being the negative sourpusses most families loathe.
1:6. Confidence. The theme of confidence permeates this letter, as does the theme of joy. Paul was confident that God was working out his plan in the lives of his readers. Let's let our kids know often and sincerely that we're on their side. Let them know how much we believe in them and are rooting for them to succeed in life. If you won't, who will?
1:9. Prayerfulness. Paul loved interceding for others. Let your kids know they can bring any prayer request to you at any time and you will pray for it. Just today one of my grandsons in college texted me to share a prayer request with me. It's already on my prayer list. To crib a thought from James, "You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you?" (James 4:2, The Message).
1:12. Optimism. Far from hurting the gospel, Paul pointed out that his troubles had actually advanced it. Paul saw the good in the not-so-good. He cheerfully faced the future. No dad should ever do otherwise.
1:18. Determination. Paul says, "I will be glad." Paul's joy was based on a choice to be joyful. Dad, you want extravagance? I'll give you some. Laugh out loud. Climb a tree. Pop a wad of bubble gum on your face. Walk through the house singing "Amazing Grace" at the top of your lungs. Try to catch a butterfly. Try to catch each other. Lighten up a bit. Determine to be joyful.
1:21. Single-minded devotion to Christ. For Paul, life meant Christ. A good dad's life is filled up with, occupied with, Christ. All he does is inspired by him. He loves Jesus. No one doubts that.
2:3. Humility. Not in the sense of despising yourself, but as the antithesis of pride and selfishness. Remember, the Bible says, "Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant." Christ demonstrated his lordship by not lording it over. He washed a lot of feet. Do thou likewise, dad.
2:14. A non-complaining spirit. Good dads steer the family away from futile arguments and harmful attitudes that can tear a family apart. He models someone who never complains or bickers.
2:29. Appreciation. Paul held Epaphroditus and others like him in high esteem. No child should ever be slighted or treated with contempt. Let your kids know how much you appreciate them.
3:10. Intimacy with Christ. Paul said he wanted to "know" Christ -- a term often used in the Bible for marital intimacy. This is not a mere intellectual knowledge. It's a special intimacy with the Lord that is life-changing and consistent. That should be you, dad.
3:14. Perseverance. Paul is determined to run his race not by looking back over his shoulder but by straining forward toward the goal, progressively discovering what God's will for his life is. His windshield is much larger than his rearview mirror. He shows his kids it's possible to age well.
3:20. Heavenmindedness. Paul was a man eagerly anticipating, even yearning for, the radical transformation that will be effected in the bodies of Christians by the Lord at his return. He can't wait for his master to return!
4:2. Impartiality. Paul is emphatic that his appeal to live harmoniously is to both Euodia and Syntyche equally. He didn't take sides in the dispute. Dads, take care that you don't show favor to one child over another. See both sides of the issue. And always work for reconciliation.
4:5. Patience. Some translate this word "sweet reasonableness" or even "bigheartedness." Meet others half way. And never sweat the small stuff (remembering that it's usually small stuff.)
4:12. Contentment. I picture contentment as a "that will do" kind of thought. You're basically grateful for the people around you, for what you have, and for the events you've experienced. You realize that life is good. You've arrived at a mostly settled balanced life wherein you can be happy. And you want your children to learn the same lesson.
Dad, your attitude is the single most important choice you will make in 2025. Life is made up of 10 percent what happens to us, and 90 percent how we respond to it. I love reading about Paul's 90 percent reaction to the 10 percent of his trials, including being chained to a Roman guard. The letter is filled with a positive, contagious attitude. Your family needs you to be the same way. They don't need you to be perfect. They need you to be real. They want you to be there when they need you.
My resume virtues are long in the past. There now await me my eulogy virtues. We dads leave that as a legacy. It's what our children will remember after we've died.
Frankly, I've met very few dads who lived like this, including myself. But I plan to do better in 2025. I hope you do too.